The Dark Cloud of Perfectionism
The dark cloud of perfectionism has been looming overhead for most of my adult life. In my personal and professional life, decisions are always "maximized" and I'm harder on myself than anyone else has ever been.
The dark cloud of perfectionism has been looming overhead for most of my adult life. In my personal and professional life, decisions are always "maximized" and I'm harder on myself than anyone else has ever been.
Entering the well-being space has made me more aware of my perfectionist tendencies than ever before. When I first started out, I was worried what people might think if they saw me eating french fries or drinking a beer. I don't have six pack abs and can't do an unassisted pull-up (yet).
I'm realizing lately that the maximizer mentality leaves little room for mindful gratitude, self-confidence, and when it comes to decision making- wastes valuable time.
Research professor, speaker, and author Brene Brown, PhD wrote
“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.”
When I gave it some thought, I realized that the judgement piece is what resonated with me the most. In my life, perfectionism shows up as a dark cloud-dimming the light of achievement and decision making. I get so wrapped up in fear of judgement that I end up swimming in negative self-talk and paralyzed in decision making.
I've decided that it's time to put down the shield, and leave the cloud behind me. Existence can't be about the pursuit of perfection anymore. There are many times when "good enough" is okay. "Good enough" are the words that keep me moving forward on small tasks so that I can achieve my bigger goals.
Are you a perfectionist? How has it impacted you? Where could you use "good enough?"
Getting Back on Track
As a health and wellness professional, there is always a low-level of pressure that I put on myself to make sure that I'm "walking the walk" so to speak. I would say I try my hardest to live by example- making sure that I get enough movement during the day, eating fruits, veggies, and whole grains (promoting a vegan lifestyle), and allowing time for self-care.
Lately though, I've been feeling a little off track with my physical fitness. I'm lucky that I fence 2-3 times a week and walk with my dog every day which usually helps me meet my 10k steps. However, I set a goal at the beginning of the year to be consistent with a strength training program and there have been a lot of bumps in the road.
I've been giving it some thought over the past few days (thanks to my fellow CAPP-sters for coaching the coach) and I came to a few realizations.
- I'm very hard on myself. This is something I'm working on. I'm trying to appreciate my body in its current state and being thankful for all of the things it allows me to do.
- I keep trying to stick to a "program" of some sort instead of just allowing myself to do whatever works for me on a particular day/time. I already get a lot of cardio with fencing and walking with my dog so I really wanted to have a strength training routine to complement those things. The program I was doing at home used weights but wasn't the heavier lifting I was looking for.
- I need to spend a bit more time in the preparation stage- making sure my workout clothes are clean and laid out, having shoes that are comfortable, and keeping my workout area clean and tidy.
I know how important physical fitness is and I'm a pretty motivated person. I actually like working out if you can believe it. It was challenging to figure out what was getting in the way of my success and it was really helpful to pick apart the process. When all is said and done I don't care if I start and stop a hundred times with a hundred different workouts, as long as I never stop permanently.
The reason I'm sharing this is because the road to well-being is rarely a linear path. There may be bumps, curves, and obstacles that get in your way. The important thing is to never lose sight of where you are going. Pull over if you need to, re-orient yourself, and enjoy the journey.
Love Links
Happy Valentine's Day! Chris and I waiting until Friday to celebrate so that we can make the hour long trek to our favorite vegan restaurant Great Sage.
Do you celebrate Valentine's Day or are you in the "Hallmark Holiday" camp? I like to get a little festive if the opportunity presents itself- even if that means taking the opportunity to indulge in a chocolate treat or two.
A few love links...
6 hours to a better relationship - I really want to make this a new habit.
15 Vegan Valentine's Day recipes, including my absolute favorite- peanut butter cups!
Want to get to know your partner better? Build love maps, ask open ended questions, and share rituals of connection with this free card deck for iOS mobile devices.
"Love is like oxygen, love is a many-splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love." A classic! And now I'll be singing it all day long.
I don't really wear red, but I could do a pop of color with these heart shaped french tips.
A beautiful reminder that self love can be "the greatest gift that you give yourself and your world each and every day."
David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King on pretty much the most amazing Valentine's Day card ever.
Be well this week!
A Digital Declutter
Lately, there has been a big movement towards decluttering, minimizing, and organizing. In an effort to have a peaceful environment to live (and work) in, I've been embracing my inner Mari Kondo.
This did not apparently translate over into my digital environment until recently.
Last week, I had a moment where I went to my office, sat down to get some work done and realized that my computer desktop was an absolute disaster. I had programs, files, and folders that spanned more than 50% of the width of my screen in a relatively small viewing size.
(If you were to minimize this browser window, are you facing a similar situation?)
Isn't it crazy how something you stare at for several hours a day can go unnoticed after awhile?
At that point, what had been seen could not be unseen. This chaos was staring me in the face and I had to do something about it. Here are some of the steps I took to declutter my digital world:
Desktop
1. Set aside some time to do an initial re-organization of your virtual desktop. Depending on how much you have to go through, it may have to be something that you do over a free weekend, or over the course of a few evenings.
2. Make sure projects, files, and folders have a home. This is going to make it much easier to file everything away once you start sorting through it all. When I started this process, none of my blog photos or YouTube videos were in a central location. I ended up moving everything into my work/professional folder and sorting everything into sub-folders from there. Now if I need to access something from a previous post or save things for an upcoming project, I know exactly where to find it.
3. Delete any files and programs that you don't need or aren't using. Just like physical clutter, things that we don't use have a way of accumulating quickly if you aren't mindful.
Although my computer was really disorganized, my email situation was about 10x worse, if you can even imagine. I'm not quite at an "inbox zero" situation but I've made a lot of headway and feel much less anxiety about checking my messages.
1. As I mentioned above, set aside a block of time to start your initial organizing. I think having a clean inbox is probably going to be an on-going process.
2. Begin by going through your inbox and responding to any messages that you may have missed or forgotten. I am extremely guilty of looking at an email while I'm out and about and telling myself that I will get to it later.
3. Delete any messages that you no longer need. This may seem obvious but it's easy to say, "Well, I MIGHT need this some day." Be really critical here!
4. Now for the hard part- unsubscribe to all of that annoying junk mail! I knew that this would not be accomplished in one sitting but I make progress with it every day. I spent some time going through the "Social" and "Promotion" tabs in my Gmail account and started opening junk email and selecting the unsubscribe option. Even if you can manage only a few a day, you'll find that after a while, your email inbox is nowhere near as flooded as it once was. It is lovely to log in and see only the emails from actual people or from companies that I want to keep up with. The bonus part? Not being tempted to buy things you don't need every time there is a sale or promotion.
(In a previous blog on Personal Finance and Holistic Wellness, I mentioned the Unroll.me service. This site claims that it helps you to easily unsubscribe from unwanted email lists. However, I was informed by a kind reader that it really just prevents the emails from showing up in your inbox and doesn't actually unsubscribe you from the list. I think it can be helpful if you are really short on time, bit since then I've decided that I actually want to be removed from lists.)
Mobile
After tackling my computer and my email, I felt unstoppable! Bring on my cell phone!
My mobile situation wasn't so bad. I took a few minutes to delete apps that I never used and group similar apps into folders.
Social
As part of my digital clean-up (and while I still had momentum going) I also went through some of my social media programs to make sure that I was seeing only who and what I wanted to see. This included pairing down my Facebook friend list, curating my Instagram and Twitter follows, and making sure my LinkedIn connections were still relevant.
I know it sounds like a lot of work, but as I mentioned, once you get started, you'll find it gets easier to to keep up with. This process has made working a lot less stressful and I've made it a goal to manage these spaces regularly.
Do you have a process for keeping your digital life and online presence clean and uncluttered? I'd love to hear any tips, tricks, or resources you may have.
Vegan Breakfast Tacos
The question I get most often, when it comes to vegan food, is "What can you eat for breakfast?" I will sing the praises of oatmeal all day long but sometimes you are just in the mood for something savory and reminiscent of the breakfast food you used to get on Saturday or Sunday mornings.
Enter...the BREAKFAST TACO, because let's be real here- ANY time is a good time for tacos.
I was SO HUNGRY when these were being prepped and I had to hold myself back from eating all of the individual ingredients. I'm looking at you, tofu scramble.
These burritos are hearty, flavorful, and can be made in batches and eaten during the week if you are short on time. They would also be a great weekend brunch option.
Ingredients
flour tortillas
baby spinach
2 sweet potatoes, peeled and diced (should I halve this for smaller portion?)
sweet potato seasonings *(detailed below)
diced tomatoes
sliced avocado
1 block of extra firm tofu, drained and pressed/dried
tofu scramble seasonings**(detailed below)
frozen pepper mix
vegan breakfast sausages (I used the Field Roast Apple Maple Breakfast Sausages)
*Sweet Potato Hash Seasonings
1/2 tbsp olive oil
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp paprika
1 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp chili powder
dash of water or vegetable stock
**Tofu Scramble Seasonings
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp kala namak salt
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp turmeric
dash of black pepper
dash of water to create liquid
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 375° and line large baking pan with parchment paper.
- Dice sweet potatoes and place in large bowl.
- Pour Sweet Potato Hash Seasonings over diced sweet potatoes and mix until distributed evenly.
- Lay diced sweet potatoes on baking sheet in single layer and cook for 15 minutes. Stir/flip and cook for 15 minutes more, or until sweet potatoes are tender all the way through. (Check with toothpick.)
- Cook vegan sausages in a skillet with approx. 1/2 tsp of olive oil (or water or vegetable stock if you want to skip the oil and have a nice, non-stick pan)
- Saute frozen pepper mix in pan
- Slice cooked sausages and mix with cooked peppers in a bowl.
- Mix together Tofu Scramble Seasonings and set aside
- Crumble dried/pressed tofu into large pan and cook until mostly dry
- Add tofu seasonings to pan and stir to coat evenly.
- Heat flour tortillas approx. 10-15 seconds on a plate in the microwave
- Lay down a bed of spinach
- Add sweet potato hash
- Add tofu scramble
- Top with diced tomato and avocado slices
- Eat and hope you made enough to have seconds and thirds.
(As a side note, the kala namak really makes a difference in the taste of the scrambled tofu. I had never heard of this type of black salt, until some friend's of ours kindly gave us a container to try.)
If you have any of the scramble or hash left over, they can definitely be eaten separately and/or tossed on top of a big salad for dinner. Proof that you can have a delicious, healthy, filling breakfast without animal products!
If you try this recipe, I would love to see it! Leave a comment below or tag me over on Instagram.
Identifying your Character Strengths + Why Strengths Matter
Normally when I ask people what they're good at I get the same type of responses...
" I'm a good listener."
"I'm organized."
"I'm a good mom/dad"
"I'm a good cook."
This is usually after a long pause, a "hmmm," or "I'm not sure," and some encouragement. My experience has been that we are quick to come up with a list of weaknesses and hesitant when asked to share our strengths.
I'm here to tell you that there is POWER in knowing your strengths. It's a power that takes a little bit of effort to achieve, because it's not something that we usually spend a lot of time thinking about. When I would start down the path towards figuring out what I'm good at, I usually came up with answers that were similar in style to the few I shared above. This was a great way to get started until I realized that beyond behavior based strengths, there was this idea of character strengths, which lie at the intersection of your thoughts, behavior, and feelings. Dr. Chris Peterson and Dr. Martin Seligman identified 24 core strengths that exist in all cultures.
"Strengths are things we do well, often, and with energy." Lea Waters, PhD
The VIA Institute on Character has taken these 24 character strengths and built a survey to help you determine to which degree they show up in your life.
This survey can be found at the VIA Institute on Character site. Once you take the survey, a report will be generated which you can save and come back to at any point in the future. (I know some individuals who take it once a year to see if there are any changes.)
VIA reported my top five strengths as Gratitude, Kindness, Love, Creativity, and Curiosity. The Love one surprised me a bit (in a good way). Of course I have a lot of love for my family, friends, spouse, animals, fellow earthlings, but I never thought about it in terms of a character strength.
So why is knowing your strengths so important and why does it matter so much that we understand this part of ourselves? I like think of strengths as superpowers. They are the things we can dig deep down and use when a challenge comes up or if we feel like we've strayed from our goals. Strengths matter because we will achieve far greater progress and reward when focusing on improving the areas we are already excelling in, instead of focusing on trying so hard to improve our weaknesses.
Have you taken the VIA survey? What, if anything, surprised you?
How to Map Out Your 2018 Goals
Happy New Year!
I am so excited for the 365...no, 363 brand new days that lay before us. I have a feeling that 2018 is going to be the start of an amazing journey. This could be due to the fact that this is the first time I have mapped out my goals and created an action plan for success.
In the past I've made a lot of vague goals/resolutions/intentions but never supported them with a specific plan of action. This year, I set aside time and energy to put pen to paper and really get clear on what I wanted to accomplish. My word for 2018 is CREATE and I know it's going to take planning and preparation to execute on all of the fun things I have brewing in my brain.
Here are the steps I took to map out my 2018 goals. It's my hope that this will be helpful if you are still in the planning stages and/or aren't sure where to begin.
Create Your Ultimate Goals List
Before organizing anything, I simply started with a blank notebook page to write down all my goals. The idea is to get everything out of your head and on to a sheet of paper (or a digital document if you aren't a fan of analog). Try to be as specific as possible here. I like to use the S.M.A.R.T acronym- goals should be
Specific,
Measurable,
Achievable,
Realistic and,
Timely.
Organize Your List
Once I had all of my goals written out, I sorted them into categories. I ended up with 4 - personal, professional, physical, and financial. (I really wish this had been 4 P's. Does anyone use the word pecuniary anymore?)
Here are my actual 2018 goals, organized into each category.
Create a Mind Map of Each Category
In this step you will reverse engineer your goals. The bonus? You get to imagine yourself as already having achieved them!
First, you'll create a large circle with the category in the middle.
Then you will create branches with each of your main goals.
For each level after the main goal, ask yourself the question "What will I need to do to be successful with this?" The answers will become the next branches.
Continue creating branches (or action steps) until you feel like you can't go any further.
Here is one of my Physical goals mapped out, as an example-
Plan Your Action Steps Into Your Daily Schedule
One you have a mind map for each category, you should end up with a detailed plan on how to accomplish each of your goals. At this point, it is important to make room for them in your daily routine.
The branches of your goal will become the action steps- in other words, these will be the things you need to do daily/weekly/monthly to be successful. In the Fencing example I gave above, I would need to plan when exactly my lessons will be and choose the open fencing sessions I will attend so that I can build them into my schedule.
This whole process will take some time, so allow yourself a quiet afternoon with a nice cup of coffee or tea to get started.
What are you looking forward to in 2018?
P.S.- Check out last year's blog on
Living Well and Wild In Los Angeles
Spontaneity is normally outside of my comfort zone. Chris is usually up for any adventurous opportunity and I'm the one who deliberates until the opportunity is long gone. In an effort to act on my love of travel I agreed to a weekend trip to Los Angeles to see FM-84 and The Midnight (two of our favorite New Retro Wave bands) in concert.
When we made the decision to go I was all over the internet to try and find the best sights to see, food to eat, and unique stores to browse. When it became clear that I would not be able to sleep in order to do half of the things on my list, I quickly adjusted my expectations. We had a mere 48 hours and LA is WAY bigger than I realized with a traffic situation similar to NoVA and DC. I decided to pick a few places that I wanted to eat and one or two sights I wanted to see and whatever didn't get done would be saved for another trip.
These are just some of the few photos I was able to take during our time out west. The concert was AMAZING and I was surprised to find out that it was only the second show ever for FM-84. There is a sort of nostalgic comfort I find in New Retro Wave and I encourage you to check out the genre if you're into 80's synth with a modern flair. You can listen to New Retro Wave on YouTube and on Spotify.
The other awesome thing about Los Angeles is all of the delicious vegan food that is everywhere. We ate at Veggie Grill, The Vegan Joint, and Sage. There were also lots of vegan options at most of the non-vegan restaurants. We had great food delivered from LA Cafe at 2 AM, when we got back to the hotel after the concert. The highlight for me was the O.G. Ramen Bowl from Ramen Hood at the Grand Central Market in Downtown LA. Three words- Sunflower Seed Broth. I was so sad when it was all gone. Definitely check it out if you are in the area.
I can't wait to go back and experience more of the outdoor activities. Here's to being more spontaneous.
What was the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
P.S.- Check out the vlog for this trip over on the Living Well + Wild YouTube channel.
Three Fall Drinks (Vegan)
Fall is finally here in Virginia and as long as it doesn't get too cold too soon, I am going to love the opportunity to break out my hoodies and light jackets. It's also the time where I make the switch from iced to hot drinks, especially in the morning and late evening when temperatures are lower.
Today wanted to share three vegan, cold weather beverages to keep you warm and cozy as we transition into Fall. Grab your biggest mugs and check them out!
London Fog
Earl Grey Tea
Lavender
Coconut Sugar
Steamed/Frothed Almond or Soy Milk
1. Brew a cup of Earl Grey tea with 1/2 -1 tsp of lavender (I actually used a Green Earl Grey from Fortnum and Mason that I picked up in London)
2. Strain lavender and loose tea or remove tea bag
3. Add steamed frothed milk topped off with a little foam. (I don't have a milk steamer but I was able to get the same effect with an immersion blender, after heating almond milk on the stove)
4. Sprinkle coconut sugar on top of foam.
Golden Milk
1 cup of Almond or Soy Milk
1/2 teaspoon Tumeric Powder
1/2 teaspoon Ginger Powder
Dash of Cardamom Powder
1 cinnamon stick
Cracked Black Pepper
Coconut Sugar to taste
1. Warm vegan milk on low heat with the tumeric powder and cinnamon stick.
2. Once warmed, add ginger, cardamom, fresh cracked black pepper, and coconut sugar.
3. Remove cinnamon stick and enjoy
Hot Cocoa with Vegan Carmel Drizzle and Sea Salt
1 cup of Almond or Soy Milk
1 tablespoon vegan Hot Cocoa mix (I use the Lake Champlain organic hot cocoa mix. You can also make your own with cocoa powder and sugar.)
Vegan Marshmallows (I have been using Dandies but I heard recently that Trader Joe's has a house brand bag of marshmallows that has no gelatin and is super affordable. I need to make a trip out there soon!)
Vegan Caramel Drizzle (I made a batch using this recipe from Jessica in the Kitchen. Check out her website for more vegan recipes!)
Sea Salt Flakes (I use Maldon which you can get at most grocery stores and Amazon)
1. Warm vegan milk on low heat.
2. Add hot cocoa mix and whisk together
3. Pour hot cocoa into mug and top with 2-3 large marshmallows
4. Drizzle caramel sauce on top
5. Sprinkle sea salt flakes to finish
Leave a comment below telling me your favorite thing about fall!